"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:12 (NIV)
I don't even know if I would recognize you if I saw you,
It's been so long since you were taken from me; or maybe I pushed you away, only God knows..
And only God knows the hurt I feel, a hurt that no drug can heal,
It's a hurt that was inflicted cause' for so long I was addicted to the opinions of others, so I let you go...
I cast you aside to fulfill my youthful lusts so I betrayed our trust so I could become somebody else,
And I put on the disguise of a man my own mother didn't recognize so that I could fit in with those I was called to lead,
But somehow the ones that were destined to be my followers wound up leading me...
So slowly but surely we grew apart, and even though I knew it was wrong I did my best to make it feel right until I looked by my side and saw you were no longer there...
And I told myself I didn't care but that lie was simply one of many to come,
Lies I would tell others to cover up the wrong I'd done to you, lies that would cover up the answer to this question,
How could I sacrifice the thing I always wanted for a pleasure that was only temporary?And I know that I should have followed my better judgement cause' once I finally got what I let you go to get I quickly saw that it wasn't what it was cracked up to be, but by then you were long gone...
Yeah you were long gone, I mean long gone like the last Rib at a family barbecue,
And like I said you've been gone for so long that even if you came back today I wouldn't know you if I saw you,
But I do remember how you made me feel...
I remember the power that I felt when you were with me, my words were different, even my attitude was different and this InKredible temper that so often gets the best of me now was non-existent...
Man! What happened to us? How did I get so far from you, when I know that there's nothing better I can do than be with you because the only one that's right for you is me,
And when it comes to my location and my positional situation with you is where I'd rather be...
So almost two years later I'm on a mission to find you, because without you it seems my life has taken a turn for the worst,And you may not see it but that's because the damage is internal, or rather it's a private pain that's been inflamed but hidden by the well put togetherness of my church-face..
I mean on the outside it looks like paradise but if you could get into my mentality and take a look at my reality then you'd see that I've had my own personal Katrina...
You know me better than anyone so I know you've noticed the struggle within, the yin and yang under the surface,
A better Preacher but a broken man,
A deeper worshiper but a nervous wreckA Faith Talker but a Fear Fighter
Almost 100 pounds lighter but Spiritually Obese
A pessimistic psalmist
A pitiful prophet
A tattered teacher
A crying counselor
A wounded warrior searching for a PARAMEDIC on the battlefield of life
A man giving sight to the blind and yet blinded by my own strife
A mentor giving answers to others by the help of God and at the same time looking for answers of my own.
Once proud but now battered, bruised, beat up and burned but with no one to blame but.... ME.
How in the world could this be? I mean. I'd seen this happen to others but two years ago you couldn't get me to believe that this would happen to me...
Yeah my life's been rough since you've been gone, and I can admit I did you wrong so a lot of the struggle I deserve it's Karma I suppose, or better yet I guess I'm reaping what I've sowed...
But through all this pain I have one testimony, one proud declaration from a man that's been humbled by the hand of the devourer and that simply is, I'm still here...
Yeah I've been pressed but not crushed, Lord knows I've been persecuted but I'm not IN despair, I've been cast down, criticized and kicked to the curb, but NEVER DESTROYED..
And since I've still got breath, and I haven't been overcome by death, since I woke up this morning with my right mind,
I'm writing this poetic declaration to let you know that I want you back...
Yeah, it's been too long and living without has felt too wrong and I just want us to get back to way things used to be,
I want to reunite with the old me..
Yeah the enthusiastic boy preacher of 2008, the one who was ALL GOD ALL THE TIME NO COMPROMISE,
The one who had a glow and a gladness that was infectious and whose testimony was so strong that I could put all hater's words to rest with it.
Yeah Josh I want you back, Minister Eggerson I want you back.
The one not tainted by titles and not corrupted by the criticism of a flawed church system that I fell in love with from the outside looking in.
But the one sang because singing made him happy, the one who didn't mind giving a dance that was uncoordinated because the dance was consecrated by power of relationship with God...
I want you back Josh, I want you back,
The Josh that laughed for no reason, the one who's heart was warm even when the world was freezing cold,
The Josh who had a little kid's face but who's maturity in God made him seem so old...
I want you back Josh, God knows I want you back, and you may have thought that I was talking about a woman that I used to date and yeah they were all great in their own individual ways but that ain't what's missing,
I'm not talking about B.C. or Sweetpea or Sweet T or Jay T because quite frankly there's nobody better than the one that I'm with right nowAnd even though I thank God for Tee-Tee I can't give her what she needs unless I get you back,
So Josh I want you back, words can't describe ho bad I want you back,
The Josh with an Unquestionable Work Ethic and Unquenchable faith,
The Josh that would fight for what he believed in instead of crumbling under the weight of religious conformity
The Josh with no trust issues and no insecurities, the Josh that wasn't afraid of transparency because he hadn't been stabbed in the back by so-called supporters and fair-weather friends..
The Josh that was proud to be himself and nobody else,
The Josh that had the joy of His Salvation
The Josh that wasn't caught up on aesthetics or homiletics or even hermeneutics because the truth is none of that matters if when I get it I end up losing ME...
I want the faithful Josh back, the stable Josh back,
The Josh who knew how not to wear his emotions on his sleeve
The Josh who when life was going crazy still had faith to believe, that God will make away somehow...
Josh I want you back, so will you please come back?
Because I promise that if you come back I'll do you right this time.
I promise that if you come back I'll put your gifts to proper use this time.
I promise that if you come back I'll make it my life's mission to position us for success this time.
I promise that if you come back I'll never let you go again not for my selfish ambition, not when I'm sick of righteous living, not when I'm lonely as hell and that liquor is calling my name...
Not for fans, my flesh, females or the frat,
I'll never sacrifice you again if you return to me,
Because the tears I cry without you hurt like a third degree burn to me,
And my haters may read this and judge me and say it's whack,
But Josh I'm over public opinion and I want... You... Back.
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