I Want You Back

This is a Poem by me, I pray that it inspires you to get to a deeper level of intimacy with God..

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation  and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."  Psalm 51:12 (NIV)

I don't even know if I would recognize you if I saw you,

It's been so long since you were taken from me; or maybe I pushed you away, only God knows..

And only God knows the hurt I feel, a hurt that no drug can heal,

It's a hurt that was inflicted cause' for so long I was addicted to the opinions of others, so I let you go...

I cast you aside to fulfill my youthful lusts so I betrayed our trust so I could become somebody else,

And I put on the disguise of a man my own mother didn't recognize so that I could fit in with those I was called to lead,

But somehow the ones that were destined to be my followers wound up leading me... 

So slowly but surely we grew apart, and even though I knew it was wrong I did my best to make it feel right until I looked by my side and saw you were no longer there... 

And I told myself I didn't care but that lie was simply one of many to come,

Lies I would tell others to cover up the wrong I'd done to you, lies that would cover up the answer to this question, 

How could I sacrifice the thing I always wanted for a pleasure that was only temporary?And I know that I should have followed my better judgement cause' once I finally got what I let you go to get I quickly saw that it wasn't what it was cracked up to be, but by then you were long gone... 

Yeah you were long gone, I mean long gone like the last Rib at a family barbecue, 

And like I said you've been gone for so long that even if you came back today I wouldn't know you if I saw you,

But I do remember how you made me feel...

I remember the power that I felt when you were with me, my words were different, even my attitude was different and this InKredible temper that so often gets the best of me now was non-existent...

Man! What happened to us? How did I get so far from you, when I know that there's nothing better I can do than be with you because the only one that's right for you is me,

And when it comes to my location and my positional situation with you is where I'd rather be...

So almost two years later I'm on a mission to find you, because without you it seems my life has taken a turn for the worst,And you may not see it but that's because the damage is internal, or rather it's a private pain that's been inflamed but hidden by the well put togetherness of my church-face.. 

I mean on the outside it looks like paradise but if you could get into my mentality and take a look at my reality then you'd see that I've had my own personal Katrina...

You know me better than anyone so I know you've noticed the struggle within, the yin and yang under the surface, 

A better Preacher but a broken man,

A deeper worshiper but a nervous wreckA Faith Talker but a Fear Fighter

Almost 100 pounds lighter but Spiritually Obese 

A pessimistic psalmist

A pitiful prophet

A tattered teacher

A crying counselor

A wounded warrior searching for a PARAMEDIC on the battlefield of life 

A man giving sight to the blind and yet blinded by my own strife

A mentor giving answers to others by the help of God and at the same time looking for answers of my own.

Once proud but now battered, bruised, beat up and burned but with no one to blame but.... ME.

How in the world could this be? I mean. I'd seen this happen to others but two years ago you couldn't get me to believe that this would happen to me... 

Yeah my life's been rough since you've been gone, and I can admit I did you wrong so a lot of the struggle I deserve it's Karma I suppose, or better yet I guess I'm reaping what I've sowed... 

But through all this pain I have one testimony, one proud declaration from a man that's been humbled by the hand of the devourer and that simply is, I'm still here...

Yeah I've been pressed but not crushed, Lord knows I've been persecuted but I'm not IN despair, I've been cast down, criticized and  kicked to the curb, but NEVER DESTROYED..

And since I've still got breath, and I haven't been overcome by death, since I woke up this morning with my right mind,

I'm writing this poetic declaration to let you know that I want you back...

Yeah, it's been too long and living without has felt too wrong and I just want us to get back to way things used to be,

I want to reunite with the old me.. 

Yeah the enthusiastic boy preacher of 2008, the one who was ALL GOD ALL THE TIME NO COMPROMISE,

The one who had a glow and a gladness that was infectious and whose testimony was so strong that I could put all hater's words to rest with it. 

Yeah Josh I want you back, Minister Eggerson I want you back.

The one not tainted by titles and not corrupted by the criticism of a flawed church system that I fell in love with from the outside looking in.

But the one sang because singing made him happy, the one who didn't mind giving a dance that was uncoordinated because the dance was consecrated by power of relationship with God...

I want you back Josh, I want you back,

The Josh that laughed for no reason, the one who's heart was warm even when the world was freezing cold,

The Josh who had a little kid's face but who's maturity in God made him seem so old...

I want you back Josh, God knows I want you back, and you may have thought that I was talking about a woman that I used to date and yeah they were all great in their own individual ways but that ain't what's missing,

I'm not talking about B.C. or Sweetpea or Sweet T or Jay T because quite frankly there's nobody better than the one that I'm with right nowAnd even though I thank God for Tee-Tee I can't give her what she needs unless I get you back, 

So Josh I want you back, words can't describe ho bad I want you back,

The Josh with an Unquestionable Work Ethic and Unquenchable faith,

The Josh that would fight for what he believed in instead of crumbling under the weight of religious conformity

The Josh with no trust issues and no insecurities, the Josh that wasn't afraid of transparency because he hadn't been stabbed in the back by so-called supporters and fair-weather friends..

The Josh that was proud to be himself and nobody else,

The Josh that had the joy of His Salvation

The Josh that wasn't caught up on aesthetics or homiletics or even hermeneutics because the truth is none of that matters if when I get it I end up losing ME...

I want the faithful Josh back, the stable Josh back,

The Josh who knew how not to wear his emotions on his sleeve

The Josh who when life was going crazy still had faith to believe, that God will make away somehow...

Josh I want you back, so will you please come back?

Because I promise that if you come back I'll do you right this time.

I promise that if you come back I'll put your gifts to proper use this time.

I promise that if you come back I'll make it my life's mission to position us for success this time.

I promise that if you come back I'll never let you go again not for my selfish ambition, not when I'm sick of righteous living, not when I'm lonely as hell and that liquor is calling my name...

Not for fans, my flesh, females or the frat,

I'll never sacrifice you again if you return to me,

Because the tears I cry without you hurt like a third degree burn to me,

And my haters may read this and judge me and say it's whack,

But Josh I'm over public opinion and I want... You... Back.

Managing Divine Connections

The last few days have been extremely blessed and and yet extremely crazy so I figured that if I was going through then maybe there were some people who are just like me and need a little encouragement. 

Key Scriptures: (Hollman Christian Standard Translation)

Genesis 3:1-7
1 Now the serpent was the most cunning of all the wild animals that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You can't eat from any tree in the garden?" 2 The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat the fruit from the trees in the garden. 3 But about the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden, God said, 'You must not eat it or touch it, or you will die." 4 "No! You will not die," the serpent said to the woman. 5 "In fact, God knows that when you eat it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." 6 Then the woman saw that the tree was good for food and delightful to look at, and that it was desirable for obtaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate [it]; she also gave [some] to her husband, [who was] with her, and he ate [it]. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves.

1 Timothy 2:13-14
13 For Adam was created first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and transgressed.

Hebrews 10:23
23 Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful

Habakkuk 2:3-4
For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will not lie. Though it delays, wait for it, since it will certainly come and not be late. 4 Look, his ego is inflated; he is without integrity. But the righteous one will live by his faith.


The last month has been very interesting for me because God has opened my eyes to a host of new possibilities and he has began creating divine connections that will help me get to the place that he wants me to be. Over the course of this last month God has been speaking to me specifically about the vision that he has for my life not only for ministry but also personally and what God showed me was AWESOME! It even seemed like God was accelerating processes that should normally take months and doing it in days. And every time I began to get worried God would give me confirmation that made me feel better and took my fear away. And because the revelation of God was so REAL to me I began preparing my Ministry and my personal life for what God showed me he was about to do. I started praying more and fasting more, I started reading my bible and studying harder than I ever had before because I needed to get closer to God. I started watching my spending and putting in extra hours at my job so that I good sow and be a good steward over the money that God was allowing me to make and just when it seemed like everything was going according to plan the devil got nervous about what God was about to do and tried to attack me with doubt. 

That's what the devil does, because he knows that whenever God begins to connect you with a person that can push you into your destiny you're going to become a threat to the strongholds that he has set up in your life. So what happens is Satan will attempt to send doubts about the promise of God into your mind so that you can forsake hope and faith and run away from the promise that God has given you because it seems so impossible. The enemy will even get you so mixed up to the point that you'll start to question whether or not it was really God that spoke to you in the first place but you have to hold on to what God has said because the devil IS A LIAR. And no matter what happens, no matter what doubts try to enter your mind, no matter what fears you have to conquer and no matter what bondage or strongholds have to be broken for you to come out, YOU HAVE TO KEEP BELIEVING GOD. 

But even when you decide to believe God and the enemy knows that he isn't able to shake your faith, he will stop attacking your faith and begin to attack the faith of those that God has connected you to. Satan will begin to see that because you have heard from God your Faith cannot be shaken but the person that you're connected to may not have heard what you heard so they're trusting the God in you to lead them in the right direction. And because they have not fully taken hold of what God has promised they are vulnerable to the attack of the enemy. So the the Devil's secret weapon is to take the person that you love, that you're connected to and get them to start doubting the promise and the word of God over your life, because he is counting on the fact that when they walk away from the promise, the pain will be so great that you'll walk away also. I don't care who you are there is no pain greater than the pain that you feel when your heart has become connected to someone and you are believing God for something with that person and everything seems like heaven but then out of no where the person that was the one that gave you faith has run out of faith because they're looking at the promise of God and then looking at their present situation and they begin to feel like God isn't able to do what he said because the obstacles to purpose seem insurmountable. There is no hurt like the hurt that you feel when you feel like someone that you believe in no longer believes in you, but no matter how bad it hurts, even when the one that you're connected to begins to doubt YOU HAVE TO KEEP TRUSTING GOD! Because it's not really them that's under attack the devil is just using them to get you off track because he knows that he may not be able to affect your spirit directly, but he may be able to break your spirit by breaking your heart. The devil will try to pull you away from God and the promise of God by pulling on the things that are connected to your heart.

Such is the situation in Genesis chapter three. God has just created the heavens and the earth, populated it with life and then placed a man named Adam in the Garden of Eden and when he placed Adam in the garden he only restricted him from doing one thing and that was, he could not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So God placed Adam in the garden so that he could fulfill his purpose but when he saw Adam going about his daily routine he realized that Adam really needed some help so he put Adam to sleep and took one of Adam's ribs and formed a perfect helper for him and Adam immediately formed a connection with the woman and they began to do the work of God together and fulfill the purpose of God for their lives and God was glorified. But just when it seemed like everything was going fine Satan entered in and began to undo what God was doing in their lives. 

But because the Satan (the serpent) was cunning he knew that he couldn't get Adam off track because Adam heard from God DIRECTLY, but the woman did not hear from God SHE HEARD FROM ADAM! Whenever God connects you to someone and gives you a word, it is YOUR ASSIGNMENT to give them the word of the LORD and it is their assignment to believe and follow. And you have to keep repeating that word whenever doubt comes up so that when your faith and their faith is tested you both will be able to draw upon that word and receive strength. But you never read in Genesis where Adam did that with the woman that God gave him so when the serpent came to speak to her she was deceived because she was not SURE about the word that God had spoken and because while the enemy was attacking her Adam (who was there the entire time) never attempted to comfort her so that she could stand firm on what God had said. 

And because Eve doubted and was deceived she walked away from the word that God had spoken over her and Adam's life and because Adam was so wrapped up in Eve and not wrapped up enough in what God had told him he walked away from what he KNEW God had said and messed up everything for him and the person that God had connected him to. 

Here's what's powerful: when Eve ate the fruit NOTHING HAPPENED!!! Her eyes weren't opened she was just as innocent as she was before she ate. BUT WHEN ADAM ATE, the bible says, "Then the eyes of BOTH OF THEM were opened, and they knew they were naked..." 

The reason that nothing happened when Eve ate was not because she was a woman but rather it was because Eve was not the one that got the word so it was not her responsibility to keep the word, it was her responsibility to follow the one that God connected her to. The reason that Adam's actions had power is because He is the one that received the word from God and because He received it, no matter what Eve said or did Adam had a responsibility to KEEP BELIEVING but he allowed the uncertainty of someone that he loved to cause him to stop listening and believing God and because of that he messed up his destiny. 

The questions that you have to ask yourself are first, "Who is my Eve?" Whether you're a man or a woman, there is an "Eve" in your life. There is a helper that God has assigned to your life that has the ability to reach you when no one else can and that can encourage you when no one else is able. And you have to ask God to reveal this person to you because you can't fulfill your purpose without them. They will provide you with the motivation to obtain everything that God has for you to obtain so that you can become all that God has called you to be, but along with that the power of Eve is the power to affect your heart so much so that they can either give you strength to follow God or if YOU ALLOW them they can use that same power to pull you away. And you have to decide that no matter how deep your connection is to a person you're not going to allow them to make you doubt what God has said because sometimes what all they need is to see you trusting God so that they can gain the Faith to keep believing.

Second, you have to ask, "What has God Said?" You have to remember and be sure about whatever it is that God has spoken to you. You have to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter how crazy you look, no matter how impossible it may seem that this is what God has said, because once you know that God has said it you can take comfort in knowing that no matter what negative things transpire it's not over until God does what He said he was going to do. Even when it seems like things are going negatively you have to remember that sometimes God will cause things to happen so that he can bring out the best in you. Diamonds are created by putting a piece of coal through heat and pressure and sometimes God will allow the devil to send you through the heat of pain and the pressure of adversity just so you can find out how how strong and how valuable you really are. 

The final thing that you have to ask yourself is, "What is my Confession?' What are you going to say while you're going through this situation? You have to develop an attitude that says, "No matter what's happening, no matter how bad it looks, no matter who doesn't believe it, IT'S STILL GOING TO HAPPEN!' The confession that we make determines what we will see. If you speak life to your vision then your vision will live but if you speak death to that same vision then that vision will die. You have a responsibility to yourself and all of those around you to speak LIFE even when the people who are connected to you are too afraid to believe because sooner or later your confession will become CONTAGIOUS! 

God revealed these scriptures to me and it blessed me. I want to encourage you to KEEP BELIEVING no matter what it looks like. Whether it's a relationship, a family member, a friend that you love, or even your haters you cannot allow them to make you doubt, because eventually they're going to need what God is getting ready to take you in to. The person you're connected to could be a gift from God but don't allow the devil to use your attachment to trick you into becoming disobedient. But trust God and let him handle the rest. Don

You might be afraid because you see the circumstance as being too hard to get over but I want you to take courage in the fact that God knew your issue before he gave you the word and if He didn't let your issue stop him from speaking then you can't let your issue stop you from believing remember that it's not your responsibility to fix yourself but Philippians 1:6 says, "... He that has begun a GOOD WORK will complete it even until the day of Jesus Christ." which means no matter how far you come you'll always have something that you need to overcome but God is faithful and he'll get you through them just stand on His word and trust him.

Friends, don't make Adam's mistake but let us continue to trust God no matter what it looks like and to be strong for those of us who are fighting a battle with doubt so that their faith can be strengthened by our own. Remember it's easy to lean to your own understanding but the righteous will live by their faith.

Yours in Faith, 
Pastor Joshua Jerome Eggerson